Inktrails from Alaska

Welcome to Second January

Right now I live in one of the angriest towns in American: Fairbanks, Alaska. While people in the Lower 48 are posting pictures of their flowers, we wake up to snow again. And again. To the flower posters I say, Fuck you! Just when you think we might be heading toward Break Up here comes more snow. It was snowing when I went to bed last night at 2am, and it's still snowing at 10:30 as I type this. It's powder snow, so you can't make snowmen, or fun rude sculptures (Goldstream folks, you know what I mean). On the other hand, it's easy to brush off your car. On the other other hand, goddamnit, I'm so tired of brushing off my damn car!

In March I was ecstatic that we were entering a normal Break Up. I hadn't seen a "normal" March in at least 12 years. Climate change has made our weather completely unpredictable. Used to be, you could count on March to start all the melting and send us hurtling into Mud Season. If we were lucky March was gentle, and slow but relentless and we got to bypass Mud Season completely. Ah! The good old days!

This year March passed and April reverted back to January. Possibly December. Second Christmas, anyone?

The borough reminded us in April that we now need a burn permit to use our burn barrels. My burn barrel.

Here are some signs that Winter has been here way too fucking long:

1. My dog yard has geological layers of ice, snow, birch sticks, and poop.
   
2. My tiny 13lb fox terrier is so acclimated to snow and cold that she can now run around outside at -10F without booties.
3. Same fox terrier has developed an addiction to eating ICE and hard snow chunks. This is a breed from the British Isles...
4. When I come into the house, and stamp the snow off my boots, the terrier runs around EATING all the snow off the floor.
5. My Norwegian Elkhound is getting tired of snow. The dog of the Vikings, the Norwegian Elkhound, is GETTING TIRED OF SNOW. No longer does she go outside and take her snuggle naps in the snowbanks. She goes out, barks at stuff, does her stuff and wants back in again. This is not normal at all!
6. People who changed their tires in March are now sliding all over. Winter says to them, "Psych!" (Well, I do giggle a little.)
7. I'm back to wearing my parka, mukluks, long underwear, hat, gloves, and layers. In March I could wear a hoodie and jeans!
8. I feel intense anger when I look out the window and see it's snowing. In October, it's pretty. In April...see #8.
9. I'm saying "fuck" a lot.

Tiny terrier with a 50 gallon trash bin, of which you can only see the lid.

 

It's been too cold to take Blueberry, the elkhound, outside to brush off all her fluff. She's becoming a floofy Cloud Dog. I'm gonna die of Grey Lung! There's so much fur in here that Zuzu Bean, the terrier, eats it for fun! Headline: Unknown Woman Found Suffocated In Cabin, Police Use Vacuum To Identify Body.

How do we cope? Coffee. LOTS of coffee! There is a reason there is a coffee hut on practically every corner here. Also, we have the same number of pot shops. Just sayin'. It's not my coping mechanism but I'm glad it keeps some people from going postal! The number of pot shops is approximately equal to the number of Thai restaurants, so it's functioning ecosystem.

Coping also means making up stupid songs.
To the tune of Drunken Sailor:
What do you do with Alaskan Winter? What do you do with Alaskan Winter? What do you do with Alaskan Winter too late in the season? Way, hey, it won't go away, Way hey, it won't go away, Way hey, it won't go away, Let's go to Hawaii!

To quote a Talking Heads song, "I'm still waiting...I'm still waiting..."

Adventures in US Healthcare: Episode One, In Which I Try To Talk To A Real Person On The Phone

Read to the end for an update!

 

I called the helpline about my Medicaid application.

 

"You are number 24, your wait time is about 40 minutes."

During this time the dogs ate their breakfast. Then went out. Then in, then out. Then in...

 

An hour later: "You are number 19, your wait time is less than 40 minutes."

Well, at least I got the dishes done.

 

There were several more updates that gave me my number in line, and my wait time was always "less than 40 minutes."

 

The schlocky jazz was a nice touch. But when they interrupted it with just a slight pause I always thought that someone was finally picking up the phone! But no, it was yet another helpful hint about places on the web where you could find information. It was where I'd been for at least an hour before I finally found the phone number to be able to call them and talk to a person. It's amazing how such a closely guarded secret phone number it is! Also amazing how many people were able to find it! After the announcement, there would be more jazz...more slight pauses...more helpful announcements... Meanwhile I was considering going outside and scooping dog poop...

 

Then finally there was another update that got me excited an hour later: "You are number 5, your wait time is less than 40 minutes."

 

Twenty minutes later I finally got the guy on the phone.

 

I was so very, very grateful. I thought, "I waited, I was strong, I didn't give up! I'm going to get my case straightened out! I'll have health care at last!

 

Me: Hello! I'm so happy to talk to you!

Operator Man: Tell me very briefly what you are calling about.

Me: I applied for Medicaid online and need to send in the credentials to finish the application, I haven't had health care for two years (and I carried on explaining).

Operator Man: I am sending you to a caseworker now.

 

Wait! Wait? What did I wait at least 2 ½ hours for? Mr. Triage Operator Man? 

 

Then the call transferred with a "boop." Then I got the new message:

"You are caller 128, your wait time is approximately two-and-a-half hours."

 

Rolling eyes HARD. If by 2.5 hours they mean DHSS special "hours" I'm sure I have no chance of talking to anyone. It was already after 2:00 in the afternoon, and I know that the offices close at 3:00. And if I hear any more horrible oboe schlock jazz it'll be too soon. They oughta just play The Ramones, Dead Kennedys, The Damned, and The Clash so we can get all our frustration out BEFORE we talk to, as they call them in all the interruption ads: "Application Technicians."

 

 

The American Healthcare "System." What an oxymoron.

 

What I finally did was send an email to the office with all the relevant documents. Let's hope that works and doesn't make things worse! 

 

UPDATE:    MONTHS went by and no one contacted me about my application. Finally I took a deep breath, got myself a snack and a cup of coffee and prepared for Phone Battle again. As I listened to the phone tree ("Push 1 to wait a long time, Push 2 to wait even longer, Push 3 to listen to stuff that has nothing to do with you...") I heard the voice say to push a certain button if you are scheduled for an interview. Well, heck, I should have been scheduled for an interview weeks ago, so I pushed the button. I only waited about ten minutes, and like magic, I was speaking with a very nice woman who heard my story, and immediately said, "They should have never kicked you off Medicaid. That was done illegally. During a pandemic you can't be kicked off!" Furthermore, she said, "I'm reinstating you right now back to the time you were taken off Medicaid! Did you have any treatment you needed paid during that time?" In shock, I said, "YES! I have a 4K ER bill for having food poisoning!" And she said, "We'll get that taken care of!" And just like that, I had medical help again! 

 

It just goes to show that it REALLY makes a difference who is helping you when it comes to government agencies. Moral of the story: Don't believe the first person you talk to! Call back another day and you just might get the person who really cares!

Just A Small Visitor

Wildlife is both very large and very small in Alaska.

 

As I browsed Facebook this morning a hornet buzzed into my room. He wasn't angry or upset, just curious. We had a conversation.

 

Me: Oh honey, no. No. You don't belong in here.

Hornet: Bzz bzzzz  flying around my desk.

Me: (turning off my computer monitor so it won't be the bright light of a fake window, ie: fake way out of the room) There, see? No place for you here.

Hornet: Zzzt zttt?

Me: Here, I'm turning off the light, too, so you can see the lighter part of the house. (Walking to the door way and gesturing) Come here, follow me...

Hornet: ...(total silence)

Me: Hornet? Look, you can come out here, I'll open the door!

Hornet: (totally disappears)

Me: Great. So now I have Schroedinger's Hornet.

I hope i don't find him again just when I'm stepping in the shower.

 

 

A Chocolate Story, and a Squirrel

Alaska is still the land of the midnight night, right now. We have twelve hours of day and twelve hours of night. I should be able to sleep during the darkness and walk around like a normal person in the daylight, but no. Late yesterday afternoon I decided to try out my new-to-me Ninja blender. If you aren't familiar with these blenders, they are like the monster truck of blenders. I think I could use it for a wood chipper.

I got a hankering for a chocolate milkshake. But more healthy, of course. Made with yogurt, a banana, a tablespoon of chai tea for kick, and let's see...what kind of chocolate do I have around the house? Chocolate chips? Naw, I just bought those and I don't want to open them. Cocoa powder for baking cakes? Ummmmm, no, that's probably a little too intense and I don't want to get diarrhea. Wait! I have some Ibarra Mexican hot chocolate, let's try that!

You may not be familiar with Mexican hot chocolate. It's a hard round of chocolate about three inches in diameter, and almost half an inch thick. It's chocolate, sugar and spices. You are supposed to use about a sixth of it grated into a cup to make hot chocolate. I decided to drop the whole thing in the pitcher.

I'm eager to see the pure shredding and mashing power of this blender. In goes the banana, the yogurt, the tea and one whole round of the hot chocolate. It's a lot of chocolate, and I forgot that it also has sugar in it. No matter, I want to see the blender crunch that baby up! It's built like a tank, plus it has a killing blade about ten inches tall, and you have to clamp the top on. This is the most serious blender I've ever seen.

There is an actual smoothie button. I push it.

If you think this is heading toward a massive blender misadventure with chocolate all over me and the ceiling, you will be disappointed. However, I didn't know that the blender would put on a show! It goes RRRRR like you think it would, but then it stops, starts, stops and starts again, goes on for a few more extended RRRRRRRS and eventually decides my smoothie is finished. It does its thing, you know? Someone must have made a Smoothie Macro. Imagine that, someone in a Blender Research Lab, wearing a white coat and goggles (for obvious reasons) making smoothie after smoothie, pushing the button and holding it, pushing the button and letting go, until they have exactly the right number of Whooshes vs. RRRRRs to make the optimal smoothie. "What do you do for a living?" "Oh, I'm a Blender Engineer."

I pour my milkshake into a glass. The sugar in the Mexican chocolate didn't dissolve, because it can't do that in cold yogurt.  So it's a little crunchy. No problem, I can deal with that. I stick a straw in it and it's so good! Other than the crunchy sugar, it's a smooth chocolate banana milkshake.  I drink it down while streaming a TV show. Delicious.

Everything is fine for a while and I feel great. Really great! And then I get a rapid heartbeat, and overall feeling of Uh Oh and realize I've done it again. Given myself a case of chocolate overdose. Yes, I've done this before. Hint: don't make brownies from scratch from real chocolate and then eat half of them. You will find out what chocolate toxicity is. This time it isn't as bad as the brownie episode, so I just keep watching episodes of my TV show and wait to feel better.

After a while I realize I've been watching that show for quite some time. I feel fine again. The rapid heartbeat has gone away and I'm back to normal. It's 2am. Time to go to bed.

The dog has already gone to bed, so I join her and snuggle down and there I am. Wide awake. For hours. I can't tell you how many times I checked my farming game on my iPad.

It was 6am before I fell asleep. I guess I shouldn't have had that chai tea in the milkshake, or so much chocolate. You think?

I was totally knocked out and having a fairly rotten dream when both of us were awakened by a very loud scratching noise on the house or balcony. This was so loud! What's up there? A wolverine? (Not a serious possibility mind you, but it was loud!)  My bed is right by a window. The super loud scratching noise suddenly stopped as a squirrel flew through the air and landed on the window with a loud BAM. Then it ran away.That's not something that happens every day, or has ever happened. I have no clue whether the squirrel was being chased off my balcony by something or maybe had had a large caffeinated smoothie the night before.

This was a new and novel way to wake up.

About an hour later my dog started talking to me about the front door. Not barking, like she does at a moose, fox, or other dog. But just a "errrrmmmmaa ggrrreeemmm" like "Mom, you gotta see this!" Now I can't say it was the same animal, but what do I find coming right up to the door? Fresh squirrel tracks. Like it wanted to come into the house...for some smoothie?

Weather in Alaska 2020

 

Most people don't realize that August is the beginning of Fall in Interior Alaska. The fireweed blooms have reached the top of the spire, birches and aspens are dropping yellow leaves now and again, and again and again... It's not yet all golden outside, not yet, but we know it's coming, with Winter so close on its showy heels that it can be shocking. In fact, Winter can arrive in the middle of the meager two or three weeks of Fall and we miss the glorious colors altogether and WHAM it's snow. Sure, the first snow usually melts off, but the leaves are gone and done and there is nothing left but bare, dark branches and all you can call it is Winter.

Some Alaskans look forward to the snow because of cross country skiing, and riding the snowmachine, ice fishing, and other winter activities. I like all the seasons, but I dread each and every one of them except Summer. Once a season is upon us, with all its beauty and distinct qualities, I am once again in love with this country.

During Winter it is finally quiet. No more rumbling road work, dump trucks, log trucks, log machines, conveyor belts, wood chippers, chainsaws, graders, road rollers, asphalt laying machines, front end loaders, Bobcats, hammers, circular saws, and Big Things Being Dropped for God Knows What Reason. And gunshots. Summer is also known as Construction.

After living through the kind of Winter we have, which is generally 9 months long, the reward is Summer! However with climate change our weather has become increasingly humid, both winter and summer. We had record snow last Winter, and record rain this Summer. There were a few sunny, warm gorgeous days, but it rained most of the summer. There is little one can do outside in the rain. Fairbanks had to deal with that reality, plus the pandemic, which meant you couldn't go to a restaurant or the movies to escape. You couldn't even go to a store or shopping center. It was dire. And people became very, very grumpy. Myself included.

HOW much did it rain?

It rained so much it filled up my septic tank and the leach field and flushing was just not a thing. Some people started having the water pumped out of their tanks WEEKLY ($400 each time, or more), and sometimes when they pumped the water out, the tank rose out of the ground like a stinky submarine because the soil was that wet.

My fuel tank's bottom right leg sank into the soft soil, tearing my fuel line in half and spraying about 10 gallons of fuel out. I ran out and turned it off at the valve. Through the heroic efforts of the best friends a person could have, the tank is now leveled and ready to be hooked back up again. I also had to call the DEC and deal with the spill. If there hadn't been a pandemic I would not have been home, so hey, the tank would probably have rolled off the stand if it wasn't that I was there to call for help. I think within a week I'll have the line connected and have heat again. Just in time for Winter!

There have been sinkholes. Many sinkholes. The dirt work guys and gals have been pretty darned busy!

My white car is amazingly clean! Because of the pandemic, I only drive it about once a week. So whatever mud gets on it, is washed off by the next time I drive it. It's never been so clean! Of course it was pollen yellow for a while during Spring but even that has washed off!

Everyone's rain barrels are full and have even overflowed.

So that's the overview...this year Breakup was very late, going into June. Then It rained like nobody's business with lots of thunderstorms, and just now, mid August, it's pretty nice, in the 70s and we are all working like crazy beavers while we get ready for Winter. Of course. Such is the state of the weather in Alaska.

The Rain Rant

I hate rain.

If you really know me, you know I hate rain. As much as I want to visit Scotland, I would never want to live there because it rains there so much.

Consider snow. It's beautiful, it piles up, and the piles of snow can be moved out of the way. You can take a walk in it and brush it off of you. If you happen to be a dog, you just shake it off and done. Your feet stay clean. You can build snow men, or anything you like. People enjoy cross country and downhill skiing, not to mention snow skating and running around the country on a snowmachine. Snow decorates all the spruces, and turns my world into Christmas Tree Land.

But rain? There is no happy walking in rain. There is only me, stoically stomping to the car and getting in as fast as I can. Knowing that Ole the Norwegian Elkhound is going to get wet footprints all over the car. As soon as rain hits his coat, he shakes, but rain doesn't stop, it keeps striking his coat, and he doesn't like that. Sure, he is a double-coated dog and he'll be dry underneath, but the sensation of being struck by little missiles of water constantly isn't his favorite.

Rain=mud. Mud is a total pain in the ass. My driveway has some pretty good (and expensive) gravel but the rest of the road is dirt. There are no dog walks when it is raining. And Ole does not want to go out into the back yard and pick through wet grass and leaves. I let him out today and yesterday and he walks verrrry slowly and verrrry carefully, picking up his feet and placing them as if to find the least wet spot.

My house has a metal roof, so there is this constant drumming, plus huge DRIP PLOP DRIP PLOP sounds from water splashing off the roof onto the rubber mat by my front door. It's so loud and so annoying because it sounds like it is IN THE HOUSE. But it isn't. But it is TRYING TO BE because that is what asshole rain does. It is TRYING to get INTO YOUR HOUSE! Fucking rain!

I liked rain just fine when I was a little child. It didn't bother me one way or the other. Back in Michigan sometimes it would rain so hard you couldn't see past your window: it was just one shining, grey sheet. It didn't rain like that all the time, just once or twice a year, and it didn't last all day. It was kind of fun, in a novel kind of way.

But I grew up, and moved to Eugene, Oregon. This is where my hatred of rain truly began.

Eugene is so humid and so rainy that when the sun comes out, people stop working and go outside and go, "Oh wow! What's that yellow thing? Sun? Sunshine?" And they hold up their fungus-ridden arms up to the sun and marvel. Then the clouds close over, and everyone wonders if it was just a dream, and resolves to tell their children about it. Then they go back inside, and back to work. It could be SIX MONTHS before the sun comes out again.

Later after work, I  would (because all this happened to me) get in my car that had moss growing on all the rubber and the roof, and drive home. Since my car of the time was an old Dodge Dart clunker (one door was so smashed in you had to get in from the opposite side) it had the old kind of windshield wipers. Kids, you may not know this, but cars had three settings for windshield wipers: off, slowish, and way too fucking fast but not fast enough for a real rainstorm. In case of a real rain storm you just pulled over and swore a lot until the rain slowed down.

In Oregon, the majority of the rain was constant little drips, or mist, or something between rain and mist. This meant that the SLOWISH setting on the windshield wipers was actually too fast. I spent HOURS of my life, probably hundreds or thousands of hours, turning the wipers ON and OFF and ON and OFF and ON and OFF because the first swipe would be fine, and the second would be that horrid RRRRRBBBBBBBRRRRR noise. Who can stand that noise? Not me!

I lived in that humid hellhole for almost ten years. I do believe I have Rain PTSD. If it clouds over I get anxious. If it stays cloudy for three days I get REALLY anxious and angry and hangry and frantic and sense Impending Doom! Let it stay gray for more than three days and I'm figuring the world is not living for. We are all going to die watery deaths and I'll never see the sun again.

Now let's talk about Alaska. Winter is 9 months long and summer is 3 months long. Maybe. In a good year. This has not been a good year. I still have freaking piles of snow in my yard TODAY. But for the most part it is finally gone. However, I do not live through subzero temperatures, black ice, and DARKNESS for nine months only to have GRAYNESS and have to wear a fucking coat in MAY! I did winter. BOOM! Therefore I deserve SUMMER! Sure, it comes with mosquitoes but so what? We don't live here so that it can be cold and wet and gray when it is supposed to be 80°! Climate change is voiding our contract with Alaska! FUCK!

So I hate rain! I bought gear to be comfortable in the winter, and I'll be damned if I will buy freaking rain gear! My house isn't big enough for all this gear anyway. Between the parkas and sweaters and flannel lined Carhartt pants and T shirts and long underwear and hats and gloves and breakup boots (and that's an incomplete list, there are coats and jackets of different weight and more)....hell, my house is only 550 sq. ft. Where the hell am I going to put rain gear? My house is too small for rain gear. Not. Gonna. Buy. It. 

We've had a few years where it rained all summer. And folks, if that's happening in Fairbanks, don't bother visiting. Because everyone in town is mad when that happens. We become the grumpiest town in the world. You just don't gyp Alaskans out of their summer. I know I'm not alone!

I will grant one rain day every two weeks to keep us from burning up in forest fires. Okay?  But that's it.

So please don't tell me some la la thing about "Oh, the planet needs the rain," or "Rain is so important for the environment," all that crap. I DON'T CARE. I don't like it. When you say stuff like that (in the silly, cloying, trying-to-guilt-me tone) it is clear you don't get it. I don't like okra, either. I don't LIKE it. I don't HAVE to like it. If you like it, fine. Whatever. But I really, really, REALLY don't like it.

We Alaskans Have Opinions

Before I moved to Alaska, many years ago, I never thought much about duct tape. Duct tape is duct tape, right? No, it's not. That 3M company duct tape is crap! Never buy that stuff, it doesn't stick if it gets wet. The rolls of tape wrinkle all up, and the tape won't lay flat. It's thin. Wimpy. 

Duct tape is on my shopping list right after dog biscuits.

If you live here, you are going to have opinions about salmon. Some people like King salmon the best, some people swear by Copper River Red. I've never had a King before but the Copper River Reds are to die for. I'll be happy for anyone to give me some wild Alaska salmon any time, don't get me wrong! But to go to the Alaska Salmon Bake, a very expensive place, and pay $36 for SILVERS, why, that's a way to piss me off!

Talk to us about snow tires and you'll get some seriously conflicting opinions. Some swear by studs, others by soft snow tires like Blizzaks. I'm in the latter group. I had studs, and the studs wear out really fast, plus you have to change them out right quick when winter is over. I have the Cooper version of Blizzaks. They are a little harder, but just as  nice. 

If you have ever been on the internet at all, you know that driving is one of the most contentious subjects out there. It's true for Alaskans, too. About 60% of the drivers use their turn signals. Which is pretty good. Some people, mostly new to the state, think that they have to have a giant 4WD extra-cab, extra-wheels, extra-glovebox, extra-noisy BLACK pickup truck to handle arctic conditions. These people end up in the ditch most of the time. Which is where they belong until they get some sense. :-)

I drove small, 2WD drive cars here for years. Front wheel drive does just fine, if you know how to drive. Get a good run at hills, and drive like you don't have brakes! My newish AWD Ford is pretty wonderful, though. Heated seats are super great, especially when it gets really cold. 

Really cold. That's what I just said but "really cold" is -20F or colder. Not that I don't heat my seats up even when it is "warm," say, from 0 and on up to 25F or so. Feeling warm at what seem like icy temperatures to most of the world, isn't really an opinion. It's the marvel of the adaptable human body. After a week of -40, 0° is T shirt weather by comparison!

Strong opinions abound about which car is the best, (mostly Subarus, Toyotas and Fords, some Chevys, and the ever-annoying giant trucks driven by stupid people). 

Halibut vs. cod. Once again, Alaskans will prefer Alaskan halibut over cod, and will be insulted to be served cod as a substitute. Some restaurants have started serving cod because it is cheaper. Well, not to me, they won't!

 

 

A Little Bumper Car Episode on the Johanson Expressway

We are losing daylight now at a rate of 6 or 7 minutes a day. The sun came up at 10:11 today, and it set at 3:06. By the time I got off work at 4:41pm, it was night. This is normal, and we are all used to it, except for the military people who are forced to deal with it and have to learn to deal with it very quickly.

Usually, I use my Psychic Barrier Radar to plot my route anywhere. Don't ask me how I do it, but if there is going to be a car broken down, or an accident, or a super slow road grader, or a double-wide trailer going 15 mph, I will somehow feel it. I check, then I choose the route.

Tonight I decided to take the freeway even though my Spidey Sense said that it was not a good idea.

So I'm cooking along,55mph nice and smooth, Balfa Brothers on the stereo, looking forward to getting home a little early. It's -7F. The bridges here are totally iced over but if you know how to drive it's not a problem. There was a car in front of me, and a big, black, extra-cab pickup in front of the car. I always leave lots of distance between my car and the car ahead, and this time, boy howdy, did that extra cushion of safety pay off.

A smaller car, let's say what we used to call a "compact" car, cut off the pickup dude and we were still on a bridge. He could have eased off the gas pedal and remained calm and he would have been fine. But he freaked, pumped the brakes, and started fishtailing. Then he jammed the brakes on full slam and started spinning, one circle, into the berm, bounce off, start another circle, rinse and repeat. He was all over the place across two of the three lanes.

And I was right there. And the truck's front end was coming right at me back from that bounce off the berm guardrail. I eased the car over just about six inches, and he missed me (or I missed him, whatever) by about a foot. Or so. He was still moving as I went by.

And then I was past it and I don't know what happened to the pickup after that. But I'm telling you, there was some pretty good heart pounding for a couple minutes going on in my chest as I drove away! But that didn't last long. That's just winter driving in the arctic. Nerves of steel, people, nerves of steel.

And Ole dog didn't even get jostled.

Fuck Trump: A Coloring Page

It's not my best work, but sometimes you just have to do something with all that angst.

This can be downloaded from my Pinterest page, SadieBlack.

Coloring page or political cartoon, enjoy!

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The iPad Story: Why I Love Apple

 Devices come and go and become outdated and are left at the dump, or the bottom of a closet, or at the electronics recycling.

Except my iPad. It's had three lives so far and, thanks to Apple, keeps on going. It's an iPad2, the second generation, the one with the camera. I can surf the internet, use a bluetooth keyboard with it for word processing and spreadsheet stuff.

I read books, write music, put up sheet music for myself and students to read, make posters, keep books and basically everything I do on a desktop computer sans high-end image editing. I also prefer video editing and music editing on the desktop, but it can be done on an iPad as well.

The First Life

My first iPad2 lived for many years happily, and efficiently. When I first got it I could not bear to be parted from it so took it with me when I went shopping. It was in a grey Belkin leather case with a keyboard. I had it resting upright in the kid carrier in the shopping cart and because of its nondescript color, the fact that I was unused to having it, and that I'm slightly ADD, I managed to leave it in the cart when I carried my groceries outside.

Imagine my horror to realize, as soon as I got into my car, that I'd left my new $500 device in a shopping cart and I still hadn't put a password on it. I adrenaline-ran back into the store and was not discrete: I LEFT AN IPAD IN A GREY CASE IN A CART HAS ANYONE SEEN IT OR HAVE IT? I ran around the store like a demented weasel looking into carts and finally found a man with it in his hand just about to open it up. "THAT'S MINE!" and I snatched it back from him. He was naturally taken aback, "I was just going to open it and see who it belonged to so I could get it back to you." Yes, typical nice, laid-back Fairbanksian and I am pretty sure I freaked him out. I was freaked out, for sure! I thanked him and went home and never took my iPad shopping again!

A year or so later, when I owned a black car, I was loading things up to go to work. I carried out violin, guitar, books, dogs, bag, and so on and had put the iPad on the hood of the car by the windshield wipers to toss in right before I left.

Guess what I forgot to do?

It was Spring, and traffic on my two-lane, winding, country road was quite brisk, from 50 to 65 mph. I drove blithely down, going about 55. As I rounded a corner I heard a sliding noise and saw my forgotten iPad, in its nondescript, blends in everywhere GREY case, fly off the hood of my car and land in the opposite lane. I found enough road to pull off, put it in park, left it running and tore down the road toward where my iPad was right in the path of an oncoming car! Before I could get there I saw the tires go over it and flip it up in the air! My heart sank, I figured it was crushed glass and metal by now. However I'm always the optimist and as another car approached I waved my arms like a crazy person and started pointing at the iPad and screaming and miming driving around it all while running. Whether by care or accident, the second car didn't run over it and I dashed out into the lane and retrieved what I was sure would be a sad, crunchy item.

I took it back to my car. The dogs were concerned. I appreciated that. I took a breath and tried to stop shaking. I opened the case.

It was unbroken.

The keyboard had lost a few keys, but the iPad turned on and worked! The case wasn't in great shape. But the iPad was fine!

I called Belkin later and told them what had happened and thought they'd see a grand marketing opportunity when they heard it. The Belkin lady was uninspired. I thought if I told them how their case had saved my iPad that they'd be happy to use the story for advertising and send me a new case. Instead, I was laconically advised that since the case getting run over was my fault, they didn't want to send me a new one. Customer service with a yawn.

Meanwhile, over the course of about six months, the iPad began to have problems. I'd touch the screen and it didn't feel me. Turns out the metal back began to curve from being run over, so it was rather like a bowl with a glass top on it.

At the local Apple dealership they did something amazing. They took my bendy iPad and sold me a refurbished iPad that was the same configuration...for half the price of the original. We are talking three years or so out, and totally out of warranty, and totally MY FAULT. What other company does this? Seriously, how cool is that?

The Second Life

Until the end of this June, this new, refurbished iPad2 was doing just great, doing all the stuff I needed it to do. Until it didn't. Until it started dropping out of programs constantly. I could still use it to Facetime teach children out in village schools, but most of my other apps were constantly crashing. I cleared cache, I did everything. It was becoming unusable.

While on a trip to Albuquerque, I took advantage of the Apple Store there, and went to the Genius Bar. The gal there worked with it for over an hour and a half, and it just wouldn't reformat, restore, or basically do anything right. Hardware diagnostics showed a bad battery. She said you can't just replace the battery very easily, so she'd get me a new/refurbished iPad2 for the cost of a battery, $99. I agreed, happily. Unfortunately they were fresh out of iPad2s at the store, (I thought it was amazing they'd even have one at all) so she wrote up a repair order for me to call Apple when I got home, so that I could have them send me one up in Alaska.

When I got home from my trip I called Apple, and was told it was only going to be $79 dollars. There were many logistics to be taken into account to get my old iPad back to them quickly, and to get another refurbished iPad back to me. At some point in the conversation, my customer service guy decided that he was going to expedite this, and not charge me anything at all. No shipping, no repair, no money at all.

That's right: Apple would pay for it all and send me a new iPad for free. Why? Because that's the way they roll!

Not ONCE did anyone tell me I needed to buy a new model.

The Third Life

So it took some finagling to get the UPS and Fed Ex connections working, but yesterday I got my new iPad2. My fellow at Apple stayed in contact with me the whole week it took (over a 4th of July weekend!) to get my iPad back to Apple and one out to me.

All I can say is Apple totally ROCKS customer service! Either that, or I have some kind of fairy computer godmother working for me, because this is so freaking awesome!  My new iPad is working just great and I'm so relieved to have it back. Apple rules!

PS: My iPad is, and has been for some time, in a bright purple leather Belkin case with Star Wars stickers all over it. It's never fading into the background ever again!