People have always told me how smart I am. I beg to differ.
Is it smart to keep eating onions when every single time you do, you get gas so bad you don't dare let it out until you get home because Homeland Security might be alerted? And you are in excruciating pain? Is it smart not to realize that onions do this to you until, oh, when you are in your late forties? Perhaps not until TODAY? Even though they've probably done this to you your whole LIFE?
When my son told me that the ABC Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star were the same song, I had to sit down. Damn! How could I have missed that one?
How smart is it to continue to eat Bernie Bott's Every Flavor Beans when you have actually found AND eaten the vomit-flavored one?
Smart people don't continue to chew ice when they have expensive dental work and no dental insurance.
If I was really smart I would have figured out a way to have a poopless dog.
And I would have stepped on far fewer Lego blocks in the dark in my bare feet. Although I did figure out that if I spread Legos underneath the windowsills that it could definitely hinder any would-be cat burglars.
Walking around in the dark has caused me to do any number of non-smart (stupid) things. Stubbing my toe on my sister's metal bed and breaking said toe. Banging shin on chair. Whacking elbow on door frame.
Oh, and when I was a teenager and growing very fast (6 1/2 inches in my freshman year in highschool) I went bounding down the stairs very exuberantly and smashed my forhead right into the stairwell and nearly gave myself a concussion. Stars and little cartoon birdies circled my head.
Later, when I was a senior, I was swimming in a pool with fins on. You can go extremely fast with fins. However, if the side of the pool is painted WHITE you have to be very, very careful because it's almost invisible. Acting in a very non-smart manner, I smashed full-speed into the side of the pool and almost passed out underwater. I managed to drag myself upward by grabbing the side of the pool with my hand and pulling myself up. Had quite the goose-egg right in the middle of my forehead. Oh, yes, and I was ALONE in the pool and no one was home. Not smart!
Saving money often prompts non-smart behavior. Remember that pastrami in the refrigerator that was on sale at Sam's Club? You know, the big two-lb. package that you figured you would use up taking sandwiches to work...only you really didn't get around to making sandwiches for a couple weeks, or more...and now it smells maybe just a teeeeeeeny bit off but gosh it would be a shame to waste it... and there sure are lots of preservatives in it, right? Right. This is definitely not smart behavior, making questionable sandwiches.
So say you don't make questionable sandwiches for yourself. You, yourself don't get to hurling, but you feed it to the dogs and THEY get to hurling all over the house while you are off at work.
Just not smart!
Speaking of hurling, how about this: going back to the same restaurant that made you sick the first time you went there, just to give them another chance? Yes, I did that, and they made me sick twice!
Well shoot, they were really close to work!
How many times have you bought shoes that didn't quite fit? But you bought them anyway? And suffered in them, in pain, for some time before giving up?
Yes, there are so many examples. But let's just say I've done my share of non-smart things.
