Inktrails from Alaska

Trout Pout

Have any of you really noticed how many celebs are now poofing up their lips with collagen injections and even, horribly enough, lip implants? It's not just Angelina "Baboon-Buttface" Jolie but there are even men doing this these days! I have to say that Ms. Baboon Buttface did start out with large lips, but she has blown them way out of proportion. I think while she was with Billy Bob Thornton she sucked some of his flesh off into her lips. That would explain his skeletal look during that period.

I saw a picture of Fergie, aka Sarah Ferguson of the English royals, with trout pout. I was much disappointed, having considered her the one almost, nearly-normal person out of the whole clan. On the other hand, I've only seen one pic with the huge lips, and perhaps she came to her senses and let them go back to their normal size. One can hope.

This image comes courtesy of Awful Plastic Surgery , a site where one can spend hours going "Oh!" and "Auugh!" Kind of like watching fireworks...or trainwrecks.

There are lists of boob job pictures, rhinoplasty photos, and much, much more. Courtney Love and Viveka Fox win in my book for their scary, irregular breast implants. Then there are the young and rich who don't seem to sport the same nose for more than six months at a time. Check out the hook on Paris Hilton's schnozz! Good lord, she's a shoo-in for Wicked Witch of the West! Unless, in my opinion, old Sarah Jessica Parker decides to go for the role. She's always looked like a witch, even without plastic surgery that has made her look even more witchlike with that pointed chin and scary nose. How she built herself up to seem like some sex symbol is far beyond me. Maybe there are more men who want to make love to their grandmas than I know about. Let's not think about it.

There's a section on the Jackson family, of course. Michael Jackson is one of the scariest people on the planet, hands down. Why any parent would allow a child around him is beyond me, actions aside, the man looks like a monster! Holy Thriller...Want to know something even scarier? That skeleton nose appears on La Toya, too! On the other hand, pretty soon he'll complete his transformation into an old, white woman and compete with Sarah Jessica Parker for the role of the Wicked Witch of the West...or maybe begin starring in Sex and the City.

I was disappointed that there was little on Cher, who looks so little like her actual self that I wonder if maybe she's just had her whole head replaced.

Joan Rivers, Jocelyn Wildenstein: these are the things of nightmares. I just looked at myself in the mirror and I don't need any of that stuff. I like my face, old as it is. It's not the face I had when I was twenty, but that's okay. I earned it.

My highschool friend Faye had a nose job when we were in highschool. She did have a huge nose, and it was changed to a cute little snub...and for some reason we all felt betrayed. I liked her very much the way she was. My recollection of those days is fuzzy, but somehow after her surgery she was never the same, and now won't speak to any of us, and won't come to any reunions, etc. I don't know what her issue is, but I do know that I felt a loss when she changed her nose. I always wondered if she lost a bit of herself and then had to scramble to reinvent the "new" Faye. It must have been very difficult, especially at age 15 or 16.

The one person I didn't see was Nancy Reagan. That skin-tight face with the weird eyes on top of that old lady body was creepy. To her credit, she seems to have stopped and is allowing her face to finally look older, and I can't fault her for trying to get stem cell research going.

Have fun browsing Awful Plastic Surgery. And be glad you don't have money to burn.

It's ON Me

Okay, this happened at least forty-five minutes ago but I still have a really bad case of It's ON ME!! (aaaaaa aaaaa get it off!!!) You know.

I store my easel in the barn, which has no real doors, but just a huge tarp covering each end of it. There's a big pipe that is used to hold the tarp down, and it's got a crude pulley system to raise and lower it. I think my problem may have been stored in that pipe.

I've been in the barn several times in the last few weeks, rabbits and all that, ya know. ;-) But today I got my easel out and started on a couple of paintings because the sun was out and it's almost 80 degrees outside.

So I got my paintbox and turpentine and easel and canvas from the barn and as I was walking back I put everything down because I felt something scratchy on the back of my neck (my hair was in a pony tail so I don't get paint on me). I grabbed and tossed off what I thought must have been a pretty large bit of shrubbery and twigs. But when I saw what I had tossed on the ground I just went YIKES!!!

It was a very large black spider quite reminiscent of a black widow. However it had a few white markings on its back, and it felt harder than the black widow I'd similarly grabbed a few years ago in New Mexico.

It doesn't help me that I KNOW there are no poisonous spiders here in Alaska. No snakes, no poisonous spiders. (Hobo spider reports are probably false and also more than 800 miles south of me.) It was a BIG spider, creepy-looking and it was crawling under my ponytail!!!

So what if it was harmless?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I did do the bit of painting I wanted to do, though. But ever since I can't get over feeling

IT'S ON ME!!

Attack of the Feral Rabbits: 2006, Part 2

Using the traps provided by animal control, I successfully caught six baby rabbits over Memorial Day weekend. Three black ones, two gray ones and a tortoise color fawnish one. Let me tell you, baby bunnies are extremely cute. But, being the good animal steward that I am, I resisted handling them because of course they were wild and while I knew they'd hold still for some petting, I also knew they'd be holding still because they were absolutely petrified with terror. So they all cuddled up against each other while I waited for Tuesday to come so that Animal Control would be open. I fed them lettuce and carrots and put a cup of water there for them to drink.

On Tuesday I put the rabbits in the back of the truck and closed the tailgate and campershell, and then put Sofia in the front seat. She had no clue she was riding with six yummy rabbits oh, so near.

When I walked into Animal control with six baby rabbits it was as if a Cuteness Magnet had been turned on. First there were two women there, then two guys showed up, all to "help" me with these baby bunnies. Okay, I thought to myself, they can make themselves useful and help me catch the adult rabbits so I won't have to go through this all over again. "Hey folks, come out to my place and help me catch the parents of these babies!" I exhorted, explaining what an ecological disaster it was to have feral domestic rabbits loose. Despite being fixated on the new rabbits, I got some nods and went out to my truck to get some business cards so they could call me. When I got back the room was full of people, including the director of the center, (a man), and every single person was holding a baby rabbit and cooing over it.

"Do you know how to keep a rabbit in the winter up here?" asked one of the female officers, petting the fawn colored baby.

Trying valiantly not to roll my eyes, I told her I had no idea. This is Animal Control, folks, the place where they are supposed to be pretty hard-nosed about animals, cute or not. Apparently baby rabbits are exempt from that. People were saying things like, "Hey, it's MY turn to hold him!" and "Come on, I haven't petted one yet!"

I gave my speech again, and did get the attention of some of the less cuteness-affected employees. A tentative plan was made to come out to my place and try to get the rest of the rabbits.

When I got home, I set the traps up again, of course, even though the adults had shown no inclination to go near them in three weeks. Still, I thought I might get lucky. And there was still one baby running around.

The next morning the traps were all upside down, thrown violently aside from the rabbit hole in the alfalfa in the barn, and the hay was strewn as if a wild struggle had taken place.

I haven't seen the mama rabbit nor the two black male rabbits since. I have possibly sighted one of the males by the road, but haven't seen him since. The baby is still living next to Sofia's doghouse (go figure).

There is a strong possibility that a fox, or even a lynx got into the barn and took care of the adults for me. Hey, that's life.

So for now, there's a truce with the rabbits. But we shall see. They grow up from unbearable cuteness to being the spawn of Satan in about ten minutes....and then go and have more babies. So we shall see.

Stupid Weather Alert

I went outside this morning and it was snowing. SNOWING.

It snowed on and off all day. Can you feel how disgusted I am?

It's normally about 80 degrees every day by now. Yesterday I tried to play a gig with the Tanana Highlanders. The sky was completely clear and the sun was out, the grass was green and the trees were leafy, just like it is supposed to be. Except for one thing: an incredibly strong icy wind that dropped the temperature from 70 to about 35. It blew away everything from the stage. The men were wearing kilts! I was the smart one with pants on.

We were attempting to play an outside charity event. Within ten minutes I couldn't feel my fingers. Five minutes later the tips of my fingers turned blue and the men's fingers and kneecaps were the same. At twenty minutes into the gig we told the folks we were sorry, but we couldn't play with frozen fingers. From under their coats and blankets and parkas they laughed.

This is NOT the way summer is. I want our normal weather back!