Inktrails from Alaska

Bitey Face!

It's been raining a lot lately, so the dogs have been playing mostly inside. Besides, whenever I take them out all they want to do is stare at the Evil Squirrels in the trees. They completely forget to play with each other, and Ole forgets to do his business, too!

Their favorite game is Bitey Face, preferable played in my lap. They start the game by lying quietly, facing each other and panting at each other while they bite each others' cheeks. Then they graduate to using their Indoor Voices and doing hushed growls, and lots of hilarious moany noises. However they graduate to "talking" to each other ("yaaaa, yaaaa, aaaaayaaaahhhh yaaaaa...") and then Ole starts with the classic elkhound YOP! "Hey! I'm gonna get you! YOP!" Which Sofia answers with coyote growls and YELLING. If he hurts her she ROARS at him and pushes him all the way across the room, glaring and roaring. You wouldn't believe a little dog like Sofia can make a noise like that but she sure can, and if you didn't know they were just playing you'd think I had wild animals in here killing each other. Regardless of how scary they sound, they are just playing. No one ever gets hurt or out of control.

If I want to stop it all I have to do is say, "Anyone want a cookie?" And then there is dead silence and two waggy butts going a mile a minute. And sitting! ("See, I'm being GOOD!")

Here are some photos from a recent Bitey Face episode. I was trying to read a book while lying on my bed. You can see why I finally gave up!

I think Bitey Face is the dog version of the Eskimo face-twisting game.

I had to make my bed three times that day and finally gave up.

Dancing, dog style.

"Just try and get the monkey, Sofie..."

Man, he's fast!

You pooped me all out! See, even my ear is pooped out!

The Song that Ate My Brain

Last Thursday I went down to Pioneer Park (which used to be called Alaskaland, a much better name, in my opinion) for our regular Celtic jam. Last week was the Golden Days celebration that went on for a week or so. It's something the Chamber of Commerce throws every year and there is plenty of hoopla and entertainment. Thursday the park was full of tents and people. The big tent right in front of the builiding where we usually jam was conducting a Battle of the (horrible) Bands.

The bands, mostly composed of 19-yr-old males (the world's most dangerous denizens, you parents know what I mean), were attempting heavy metal, as far as I could tell. Tuning instruments didn't seem important, much less even knowing how to play them. Reminded me of Bill & Ted's Wyld Stallions....only LOUDER. It was so loud that most of the adults who didn't have to be in that area, WEREN'T. Dire screaming and banging and clumsily-played guitar pushed everyone with ears out of the area.

Except....

If you walked about 100 feet and stood between the Battle of the Horrible Bands tent and the Dance Hall, you would hear the square dance caller with his microphone turned way up in order to be heard over the cacophony. And the way he was calling was just.............wrong.

I heard him say, "Okay folks, let's see now, what do we have......" And then he put on a karaoke version of "Five O'Clock World" and proceeded to sort of sing the lyrics but with square dance instructions inserted in just some places.

You remember this song from 1965?

Up every mornin' just to keep a job
I gotta fight my way through the hustling mob
Sounds of the city poundin' in my brain
While another day goes down the drain (yeah, yeah)

But it's a five o'clock world when the whistle blows
No one owns a piece of my time

And there's a five o'clock me inside my clothes
Thinkin' that the world looks fine, yeah

(SCAT: oh-de-lay-ee-ee, etc )

Now that you have your memory refreshed think of some guy doing it this way....

Up every mornin' just to keep a job
Now spin that lady through the hustling mob
Sounds of the city poundin' in my brain
Hand her off and start a chain (yeah, yeah)

But it's a five o'clock world when the whistle blows
Trade 'em off and get in line
And there's a five o'clock me do a do-si-do
Swing 'em now the world looks fine, yeah

Thank God he didn't do the scat singing part...

All I can say is that you can't do square dance to Five O'Clock World. There ought to be a law. It's just WRONG. The Battle of the Horrible Bands hurt my ears, but that guy calling square dances to "Five O'Clock World" hurt my brain. It's like one of those yucky scenes in movies you wish you'd never watched because now it is in your head, for instance when Anthony Hopkins ate part of Ray Liotta's brain in one of those Hannibal movies. Some bad pop songs can eat your brain. Bad pop songs with old guys sing-songing their lyrics only revamped for square dance....that's nightmare material!

Between the Horrible Bands and the 60's Pop Square Dance I wanted ear plugs. Only one person showed up for the jam that night so I was spared having to find a place for us to play where we didn't have to listen to either one! And that was a GOOD thing!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

WOW. I just finished it about half a hour ago.

This isn't a book review. This is just my first reaction and that reaction is that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the best of the seven books. Very exciting! The world went away as I read the last quarter of the book.

Many of the things I'd guessed would have to happen, did happen, but there were twists, so it was all that more satisfying that I didn't guess everything.

You have to read them all before you read this one. But you won't be disappointed when you get there.

WOW.

Harry Potter vs. the Dogs

Will someone please walk my dogs for me? I'm trying to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows but they just want to PLAY with me!

Ole even brought me my bra as a hint. Get UP, Mom!

Driving with the Crazy People

This morning I was asked to visit the Chamber of Commerce at the ungodly hour of 8am in order to fill out a form for an upcoming street fair. This meant I had to drive with the crazy people.

Is there some requirement that people with 9-5 jobs drive like insane idiots? Most of you hate your jobs anyway, so why do you drive 80 mph on a two way, skinny, no-shoulders road through a swamp that has multitudes of frost heaves and potholes? It's Moose City down there, too. Do you people have any idea what an 80mph collision looks like with a moose? How about those of you passing me on a blind curve? Didn't you watch Blood on the Highway in highschool driving class?

Of course you didn't. They don't even have highschool driving classes in most states anymore. And I don't think that horror of a movie has been shown for decades. But still, do you people really want to risk a head-on collision with the Sourdough Fuel truck, or the dump truck bringing gravel to repave the section of the road that is under construction? And yeah, you don't even slow down for the gravel part of the road. Gee, thanks. I didn't need my windshield anyway.

What is the BIG DAMN HURRY?

I tell you what, you go ahead and hit that moose for me. I am very glad that I'm sane enough to work for myself.

Rainy Powwow Day

The Midnight Sun Intertribal Powwow kicked off last night at five, and runs until five o'clock Sunday evening. I'm selling flags there, but not right now because it's pouring rain. Flags don't fly well in the rain! Likewise, people in regalia often don't dance in the rain either, because so much time and effort spent on beading and fringing leather can be destroyed by a downpour like this.

So I'm here, writing to you, instead!

There are two little beings who are very happy about this. Sofia and Ole missed me all day yesterday. Poor Ole has to stay in his crate when I'm gone (remember the Razor Blade Incident?) because it's nearly impossible to keep him from exploring. When you live in a small cabin the way I do, there just isn't any way to put everything in the world up six feet above the floor with nothing for him to stand on to get higher. Puppy-proofing a house for a smart dog is worse than baby-proofing a house for a two-year-old kid. For one thing, I think dogs will eat MUCH weirder things. For instance, while teaching a music lesson the other day, I saw Ole mouthing something prior to swallowing it. A startled expression kept passing across his face, he'd mouth and again the "OW!" look....I got into his mouth and he had a push pin. He happily spit it out for me. I guess he didn't expect it to bite back.

If the weather clears up I'll head down to the powwow and enjoy the music and dancing and maybe sell some flags.

If not, then I'm very happy to stay home with the dogs.

What I've Learned in the Last 24 Hours

1. People who lie, lie a LOT. And continue to lie! And get very, very upset when you ask questions about how those lies fit together.

2. I am a very good judge of character. Those who I thought were my friends, really are my friends, even when the chips are down! Those who I thought were flakey, unbalanced, narrow-minded and manipulative are exactly those things.

It's very interesting. It's been more than one experience that has taught me these things today. One of the juggernauts of learning has had to do with an internet forum that I left, because there is a group of bullies over there who have made life a misery for a whole bunch of people. I was the lucky one to upset their apple cart by asking why someone lied. So lots of rotten apples have been thrown at me, but I'm okay. This goes back to #1. They do get very upset when you point out that their lies don't make sense!

This happened face-to-face with a woman today as well. Last December my band played for an arts and crafts fair for several hours, for which we were to be paid $300. When I went to collect the check at the end of the gig, I was told by the organizer that she would mail it within a week.

I bet you know where this is going, don't you?

Phone calls and phone calls later, there is still no check. I'd been promised it was "in the mail." I was told she had it "right here on my desk." Another band member was told (four months later) those same lies, plus another one, "I've been carrying it around in my purse, I just need to mail it..." Uh uh, and if we believe THAT one....

Since this is a small town, I knew if I asked around I could find out how people ever get her to pay her bills. My boyfriend knows her and her husband and they have a reputation for this sort of thing. The only way to get  her to pay you, I was told, is to go to her house in person.

So tonight my boyfriend and I went up the hill to her house and knocked on the door. She answered and it was clear by the look on her face that she was shocked to see me. Her little dog ran out the door and started dancing around my feet.

We said hello and I looked her in the eye and said, "We need to be paid now."

She said, "Well, you need to come down to my office--"

"We need to be paid now."

"Oh, my dog, my dog is going to run away!" (the dog was happily dancing all around me, he wasn't going anywhere. I picked him up and handed him to her.

"We need to be paid now. Today. Right now."

She put the dog back down and he came right back to me, all wiggly. I picked him up again and handed him back again.

"Well, I'm eating dinner or I would pay you."

"How long will dinner take? I can wait."

From the next room...."Honey, what is it?"

She says, "Oh, the band from the crafts fair, I forgot to pay them...."

(That's a real whopper, she never meant to pay us at all!)

"We need to be paid now."

"You need to come down to my office. I'll take care of it tomorrow."

"No. We need to be paid now."

"I will mail it tomorrow! I promise!"

"You've said that to me lots of times, and you said it to another band member, too. But we don't have a check and we've been waiting all these months."

"I hardly think that one phone call ...."

"We need to be paid NOW."

"If you had called ahead of time...."

"No. We need to be paid now. Right now."

From the next room again, "Honey, just pay them!"

At this point she was running out of lies and excuses and starting to get desperate and frantic. I could see that she was racking her brain for a way to keep from paying me. Then her husband appeared behind her and handed me three one-hundred dollar bills over her shoulder.

I'd finally gotten the band paid for our work in December of 2006!

"Do you want a receipt?" I asked.

"Uh, no," she replied.

I turned around and my boyfriend and looked at each other and grinned.

I actually shortened that conversation. I stood there for quite some time while she went through every excuse in the book, every lie she could think of, and I kept repeating, VERY firmly and with great eye contact, "We need to be paid NOW." I don't know how many times I said it. About twenty, at least.

Both #1 and #2, right there. From the moment I met this woman I didn't trust her. I was right.

And just for the record, we normally get at least a half fee deposit before we even play a gig. But this was part of a small-town fair and we were encouraged to trust people.

I guess if you wanted to add a third thing I've learned, it is that when you are right you shouldn't give up. In the case of the dishonest fair organizer, that worked. In the case of the forum, I think knowing when to quit is lots more sane. Sure, I could hang in there and stick to my guns, and I know I'm honest and haven't done anything wrong, but I'd rather not be a target. Let the angry ones out themselves and let everyone know who they are. They'll find they can't run the show no matter how hard they try. There is always going to be someone who says, "Hey, but that doesn't make sense!" And that someone doesn't always have to be me.

Bad Apples

Simultaneously I've had to deal with numerous trolls on the Internet forums and lists that I moderate. Now that I think of it, there isn't one list where someone hasn't been rude, cranky or outright mean in the last five days.

One forum that I've been on for years is undergoing some creepy changes that seem to have their root in one manipulative member. It has gone from being a homey place where I have friends, to a jungle that I dart in and out of, hoping I won't attract the attention of the two to four trolls who seem to never log off.

The first straw was being given the runaround by one of the trolls. I didn't realize she was a troll at first. First she set up a "club" and had people put a certain phrase in their signature. Then, when I asked privately what it was about, she lied. When another member of the "club" was asked publicly what the sig lines meant, he told a completely different story.

So I publicly asked why I'd been lied to.

And so it began.

I happen to love the truth. I tell the truth. I can't say I never lie, but I sure do my darnedest not to. I'm only human. People telling me lies makes me really, really angry.

The woman who lied then got very upset because I'd asked her why she lied,  and started harassing me in private messages, telling me that the "club" was about having been hassled by ANOTHER member of the same group. Supposedly, according to this liar, everyone in that group had been hassled by him.

Well, I asked why he hadn't been simply reported and banned from the group? Unfortunately there wasn't a good answer for that. She launched into this implausible cloak-and-dagger (I'm tempted to write "cloaca-and-dagger") scenario and told me that I couldn't tell anyone about it, that that would "ruin everything."  Oh, and when I said I'd write to the moderators of the board about it, she went ballistic. Oh no, dear God, please don't write to the moderators about this, she begged.

If you are scratching your head, you are right there with me. None of it made any sense. I DID write to one moderator and apparently they can't substantiate her "charges." The man she accuses is still there, she is still there, and she has started a whispering campaign against me, who did nothing!

Can you say...............TROLL?

 

She's quite the master manipulator and is fooling a lot of people. I do not wish to be a part of that and will step out until she is gone. The other trolls I can ignore, but I don't care to be her target like this.

There is a lot more to this story. She had her friends follow me around, informing her on what I posted, who i talked to and what I did. Even, at one point, who I emailed! I emailed one forum member to ask him what this club was all about. He had the signature denoting the club membership in his sig. I'd been told by the woman I just spoke of that he was not the harasser, so I thought it safe to ask him what was going on, since her responses didn't make sense. He and disposed of that subject with a couple of sentences and nothing much was learned. He said he wasn't the harasser and said I knew that already. Then we talked about dogs until, while writing him another email, I suddenly get a private message screaming at me for writing to him! This kind of thing is crazy. Just plain crazy.

The second straw, the one that broke my back, was suddenly having the rules to the forum changed with no notice, and being singled out as someone who —gasp— transgressed by having a link in my signature! Well, my goodness, a link to this blog, and a link to a topic-appropriate non-commercial site. How horrible!

This is just one incident. On another list a fellow who consistently insulted everyone and instigated flames finally started calling me names and ~BAM~ he is now history. Problem solved, just like that! No "clubs" needed!

 

On another board where I'm a moderator, people just started name-calling and other rude behavior, and posting entire web pages from commercial sites! (It was about dog food.) One forum member sold dog food and was spamming the group. The others were "hitting back" by posting entire web pages from the dog food companies that they thought were better. Good grief!

I'll never understand the people who join a group and then go out of their way to insult everyone, and especially direct their attention to speaking hatefully to the OWNER OF THE LIST. What the heck do they think they are doing?

Yes, I know, most of these people, including the woman on the first forum, probably have borderline personality disorder or something similar. They get their own twisted satisfaction for generating negative attention, and for being the center of chaos and attention, whether it be a huge drama or a fire fight.

The sad part is that it only takes one of these sick people to make the forum or list very uncomfortable for everyone. The forum I just left has at least four that I can count, and probably more. There are thousands of people who read that board, and about three hundred who post on it. Four is a smidgen of the total membership, and yet they can sour the whole thing for everyone. It's really too bad.

Without that forum to take up my time, I will be able to do a lot more writing. At least something good will come of this!