Inktrails from Alaska

MAKE IT STOP—Please!

Yesterday I managed to put up my tent for the State Fair in a rare window of non-rain. Other than that it has been POURING for at least three days, if not longer. Rain is keeping me from sleeping by thundering on my metal roof. I have mushrooms growing out of my flowerpots on my balcony. The dogs are getting cabin fever. I think it's actually been raining a lot longer than three days, now that I think about it.

Now I get to try to set up all my flags and stuff in the rain. I am NOT looking forward to this.

This is our summer. It's supposed to be SUNNY. MAKE IT STOP RAINING!

Case of the Gackelous, Coughing Dogs

Ole and I went on Mutt March on July 13. We had a wonderful time! Ole met lots and lots of dogs, we walked in a parade of dogs several blocks long, and hung out with the only other active Norwegian Elkhound in Fairbanks for most of the parade.

After the march there was a kind of dog fair, with dog-related booths, three different rings with activities for dogs and more meeting, greeting, butt-sniffing and playing (on Ole's part).

Ole did great on the agility equipment, considering he's never even seen it before. It didn't take long to get him acclimated to the jumps, as I've been working on his jumps for a while. He's generalized fairly well as far as jumping over whatever I ask him to, such as a pvc pipe in the back yard, both directions and then with me on either side of him, and then with me running alongside of him. He's jumped over a piano bench, my violin case, and a guy on his hands and knees. Ole loves his "overs!"

What surprised me was that he did very well on the seesaw and we did that three times. He'd have nothing to do with the tunnel, but we didn't really take the time we should have with it.

So we returned home pooped and happy.

Fast forward to three days ago....and Ole is suddenly coughing and gacking up huge globs of clear jelly-like mucus—and then EATING IT. Yum yum! (Excuse me while I barf....)

So we were off to the vet the next morning! I tried to get him in the same day but that's impossible in our little town, where I sometimes think dogs outnumber the people.

After checking that it wasn't a foxtail in his throat, the diagnosis was "kennel cough." Sure enough, the next day Sofia has a pretty bad cough, too, but at least I'm spared the gross gack.

Ole is getting antibiotics, even though kennel cough often resolves itself without them. Both dogs are getting Robitussin to help with the coughs (and it does help--they can only have the kind with the cough suppressant and the expectorant, nothing else). As the days have gone by (they are on day 3 or 4, depending on which dog you mean) the gacking has stopped but every time they get excited they cough, poor things!

I hope that they are better by Monday so that they can resume their job of going to work with me!

Armed and Fairly Harmless

I have never wanted a gun before. But a gun can be a handy tool to have when one lives in Alaska. I am happy to exercise my Constitutional right to bear arms--wait, that sounds like I want bears to hug me--and am now the proud and happy owner of a Savage 24 series "Over & Under." This is a long rifle that has .22 barrel on the top and a .410 shotgun barrel on the bottom. It's a one shot at a time, nothing fancy, classic rifle that is at least 30 years old, and probably older.

The fellow I bought it from used it as his "survival rifle" when he used to fly bush planes. "A big gun for shooting bear isn't much good if you go down and you need food. It doesn't help you to blast the rabbits to smithereens," he said. Hey, that makes sense to me!

Last year I had a Steven's model of the same rifle and used it and really enjoyed it. I gave it back when the squirrels went back into the woods and did their little hibernation and stopped stealing my insulation and chewing, peeing and pooping on my house.

I'm all set with two boxes of the requisite ammo and plan to have some fun target shooting at the firing range one of these days, or down at the quarry. I know some of you will have a hard time hearing this, but I have to redraw the boundary lines for those squirrels, as they have returned, albeit a lot later this year, and are back trying to destroy my house again. That insulation and this house are what keep me and the dogs warm in the -20° to -60° winter, and I can't have that safety compromised. They have hundreds of acres of forest and I have two. I don't even mind them as long as they stay away from the house. I think they are freaking adorable and it's not easy to shoot them, but that's what I have to do if I don't want them to continue living under my floorboards. Sofia has been madly trying to dig through the floor to get to them under the house. My carpet is shredded beyond saving.

Anyway, I'm very happy to have found this particular model rifle as it isn't all that common. It's nifty, lightweight, and very simple. And in the case of needing a "survival rifle" I am now covered.

New Organic Industrial Lubricant Discovered!

Someone else must have noted this by now, but as I was washing out the dogs' dishes I thought, "Holy Toledo! These are slicker than a politician caught playing footsie in the men's room!" If there had been the same amount of dog spit on the outside of the dishes as there was on the inside, (for instance if I had a bloodhound or a St. Bernard) I don't think I could have even picked them up. They would have squirted across the room at Warp 6 and banged against the wall.

After washing them with dish soap they still had a good coating of Speed  Slime on them and I had to break out the Brillo pad.

Sofia sniffed her dish very suspiciously when she was presented with it all clean and shiny. However, a dab of salmon oil will persuade the most finicky dog to eat.

Honest, I wash their dishes every week. I just hadn't been using a steel wool pad!

What other uses could this new lubricant have?

We could coat money with it. Bank employees would have a very hard time smuggling it. And we'd all have an excuse as to why we are always broke. "I don't know, honey, it just seems to slip through my fingers!"

Cross-country skiing could be a lot easier, but going uphill could be impossible.

I'd like to see how my transmission and differential work with this lubricant.

Then there is the world of "personal" lubricants....

...and I think I'd better stop right there!

The DOG Manual!

The DOG Manual

Everything you ever needed in an operating manual for your DOG unit. You don't have to be a computer geek to enjoy this, but if you are, it's even more hilarious!

Summer Yard Sale

Yesterday I had a yard sale along with my close neighbor with whom I share a U-driveway. I thought we were going to do it together, but instead she set up her stuff at her place, and I set up mine, under a canopy in my front driveway. I offered her the other canopy but she declined. As everyone knows, it only takes the erection of one canopy to forstall any rain. If neither of us had put up a canopy, it would have rained all day, no doubt about it.

It was a hot, beautiful day, only few mosquitos, and I saw four hornets. That's it. So it was great.

Sofia was on her cable run and Ole on a long cable tied to a tree. He was able to play with Sofia without getting tangled, though the lack of total body contact frustrated him some. Still, they don't usually get to be outside all day long like that and neither do I. All of us felt the benefits. It just feels good to be outside. There were some downsides to it: we all got very thirsty and the dogs had to take a couple breaks in the house to drink a lot of water, even though we had plenty of shade. Plus being outside means access to grass, which they eat too much of and this morning I managed to step in a pile of yucky barfed up grass in my bare feet.

Today I'm taking Ole to the Mutt March. I'm looking forward to it. I'd take my real mutt, Sofia, but she's decided I need to be protected from other dogs, so walking her on a leash in a huge crowd of dogs might be the opposite of relaxing. So, ironically, I am taking my purebred dog to the Mutt March. Hey, he's a rescue dog, so it's okay!

North Pole man arrested for DUI on lawn mower

I love living in a small town.

Recently, in North Pole (which is actually south of Fairbanks) a guy got "pulled over" by the police for driving drunk on a riding mower.

Yes, a lawn mower! Specifically, a red Craftsman riding mower. Apparently he'd been partying and I think he must have said to himself, "Gee, I'm too drunk to drive, but I sure want to make a beer run!" His brain cells banged together and he thought what I'm sure we'd all think in those circumstances, why not fire up the riding lawn mower for a quick trip down to the bar for a six-pack? He thought, "It's an hour before they close, I gotta get down there!, I'm  not gonna make it if I walk..."

After he'd ridden across several yards the neighbors looked out their windows and saw him mowing crazy, crooked lines in their lawns. Well heck, if someone was mowing my lawn and doing a rotten job, I'd call the cops too! (If I had a lawn!)

Cop cars arrived, sirens blaring and lights a'flashin'. Did he stop? No! He kept his mind on his business, mowing his way to the nearest liquor store, of course.

And then the exciting chase! Drunk Mower Man led the police on a screaming pursuit of approximately 200 feet at a whopping 5 mph! Boy, I wonder if they had to blockade the rosebushes, or put down the nail strips (somewhere in the marigolds). Imagine the chatter on the radio..."10-4 we've got him headed due West toward the petunias..." I can see two or three or even four cop cars. with sirens and flashing lights all flanking the Hot Rod Red Riding Mower.

After the harrowing chase, (which may be televised on The World's Most Dangerous Car Chases, you think?), the police caught him, breathalyzed him and found he had twice the legal limit of alcohol giving him that Evel Knievel buzz.

The perpetrator claimed he didn't hear or notice the police cars. Boy, I call that concentration!

I wonder if he has to finish mowing his neighbors' lawns when he gets out of jail?

I Need Your Opinion (don't worry, it's easy)

I'm thinking of cutting my hair into bangs again.

Take a look at these pictures and tell me what you think looks better, with or without bangs. Right now my hair is almost down to my waist. I'm also getting tired of having flat hair on top, but to curl it is a Major Big Deal. And perm it? Fuggitaboudit. Not gonna happen.

I might cut ten or twelve inches off and give it to the cancer wig place, if that's still going on. But the main thing here is: to have bangs or not? You tell me. What do you think?

or

and here's one of a bad no bangs day
Which is why I'm thinking of going back to bangs....

Uh Oh, Here We Go Again

The last few days have been very hot and sunny, and while most of us don't have air conditioning, and we roasted (in the sun it was 100°F, in the shade 85-90, "shade" includes in my house) and complained, secretly we dug it. No mosquitoes (except in the shade) because mosquitoes are like any vampire, they hate sunshine. No hornets, since apparently most of them are still wiped out from the mites that killed them last year, and a nice breeze. A very nice breeze!

A very nice breeze that just blew in a whole bunch of forest fire smoke this afternoon! I wondered why I was having so much trouble breathing. It is too hot to close up the house, we'd all poach in here, and even if I could take it, poached pooches is not a good thing.

Anyway, there are fires up north of us, four or five of them about 150 miles away, and one that is about 70 miles away. There are a couple small ones about 125 miles to the south. As I write this, the wind is shifting a bit. The smell is less strong and the brown is fading. But chances are it will come back and make the sky brown and the sun orange again.

It's time to break out the breathing machine for us asthmatics. Let's hope it won't be too bad this year, since it started so late in the season.

No News is Good News

The disappearance of Brooke Bennett spawned a rash of "news" articles about all kinds of horrible things happening to children. For a week I didn't want to look at my Google homepage at all, because every time I went there, some new horrific crime was being reported.

I can't say which is worse, that we can't get enough of gruesome chlld murder and abuse stories, or that they think we can't.

Now that they've found her dead, the news is back to talking about oil and the economy.

Maybe that's the worst.