My birthday is tomorrow, August 8. What do I want for my birthday?
Plaid. I love plaid. If I had a pair of plaid pants that were not some hideous plaid (such as purple and yellow, for instance) I would wear them. Plaid shirts are a dime a dozen and are useful, too, but good plaid pants are hard to find.
I don't have enough plaid skirts, and no plaid vests at all. I have only one very silly plaid Yukon hat, which I wear in the winter to cheer people up. SOMEONE has to be the jester. Purple, green and red plaid will do that.
I'm about to turn over a new motor vechicle page in my life. It's time for both the car and the truck to go bye bye and find new homes. Whatever I get, I am seriously considering having a plaid wrap done on it. I'm done driving little invisible silver cars. No one sees them. I have to honk: I'm here! I'm here! Don't pull out in front of me! Don't squish me!
This does not work with mooses.
No one would pull out in front of a red plaid car. Probably not even a moose. I'm thinking the Bruce tartan, as that is my family heritage. I think it would be just the best! Can't you see me motoring down the road in a red plaid car, two Scottish flags flying out the windows?f
So I suppose I could ask for a van or car or SUV for my birthday. Okay. I am looking for either:
1. Some kind of van, must have 4WD.
2. SUV: Honda, Toyota, Subaru all possibilities. I don't want to have to buy another car a year from now, so I'm not considering American cars. They barely run past 100,000.
3. Camry or Legacy Wagon.
4. Anything I get must be no older than the year 2000. I might make an exception for something that you only drove to church twice a year. As long as it was garaged. But the chances of finding that are slim. I'm done with cars older than ten years!
Whatever I get, it's going to look great in plaid. Maybe I'll two-tone it, with plaid on the bottom and as solid color up top. It depends on what I end up with.
If you feel slightly nauseous that I might convert your former car or van into the Plaidmobile, rest easy. It's much better than being the Hairmobile (I have two of those right now) or the famous Fishmobile, which I had to endure all winter until it was finally cured. Click on that link to be illuminated.
Of course there is one other possibility that doens't involve plaid, and that is making sure I have a TARDIS-blue vehicle and making it look like the TARDIS. That would be awesome.
I do want an iPad rather desperately. If I ever get one, I'll put a plaid cover on it. Wouldn't you?
I have plaid socks, but not enough. And plaid hairbands would be really nice. Men have plaid underwear. Why can't I find any?
If there was plaid lipstick I would use it.
You know those tattoo sleeves? Don't they make those in plaid? I'd LOVE some of those!
Remember the cartoons where a bucket of paint could be a pattern? You could dip the brush in and paint plaid on the walls, house, Elmer Fudd, the Pink Panther....I'd like a bucket of that stuff.
There's a reason I named my business Tartan Tundra. I imagine plaid mooses and ravens wearing tams. The ground hogs in my imagination wear little plaid scarves and mittens. They golf out there. I'm sure of it.
Plaid clothing is almost always considered dorky. Sigh. I've always been on the fashion frontier.
